The Power of Listening (Part 2)
If you
read my last post (I apologize for the looong break- I was busy having a baby
and taking care of a very fussy newborn!) then you know that listening is a
communication skill and you also know that there are many obstacles that create
barriers to effective listening. It is important to be aware of the listening
process and the many interferences that come in the way of effective listening,
but it is even more important to know how to improve and refine your listening
skills. Understanding how to be an effective listener can be key to attaining
professional success and can also have a positive impact on your various
interpersonal relationships.
There are
three basic steps you can take to be a more attentive listener.
1.
Take Listening Seriously. Realize that it is your job to
listen. If you are a student or an employee, listening should probably be
written into your employment contract (or syllabus). Completing tasks effectively, reaching high
productivity levels, or completing assignments successfully all rely on effective listening skills. It is a privilege that you are where you are (whether it be
in the classroom or in an organization). There are many people who are unemployed or can't afford to go to college who would give anything to be able to communicate in a professional context. Be grateful that you have the chance
to listen in the professional setting that you are in and take that
responsibility seriously.
2.
Resist distractions brought about by physical, physiological, and
psychological noises! There will always be “noise” that distracts us from
listening. It may be physical (the room is too hot for you or there is
construction noises going on above you), it may be physiological (you are
hungry or not feeling well), or even psychological (The presenter has an accent
and you deem them to be unintelligent so you don’t’ listen). These noises are
inevitable and will occur- but it is your job to try to negate them from
interfering from your listening.
3.
Active listening occurs when a person consciously tries to
understand and remember what a speaker is saying. Half of the battle to
being an effective listener is to be in the moment and mindful (actually trying
to listen AND remember what is being said). We are physically present in our
classes, meetings, or when talking with our friends and family- but just being
physically present is not enough, you have to be mentally in tune with what is
going on. You have to make a conscious effort to listen and remember
what is being said. That means no more spacing out, day dreaming, or checking
your Facebook feed during phone calls or presentations!
Active
Listening is probably one of the most difficult strategies to implement into
your everyday life. However, it is also the most important to achieve listening
success! Keep reading to discover some strategies to be a more effective
listener and keep in mind that and being an effective listener isn’t only
important for those who have fancy jobs. These strategies can be put to use in
every moment of our lives that we are communicating with others.
Active Listening Strategies
Active Listening Strategies
1. Pay
Attention
Give the
speaker your undivided attention. This means being mindful and in the moment.
This means not allowing your thoughts to drift off into la-la land. This means
not checking your email or social media. This means focusing on the message of
the speaker and committing yourself to be in the moment. A LOT easier said than
done!
2. Show
That You're Listening
Use your
own body language and gestures to convey your attention. Your nonverbal
communication speaks loudly. You may want to nod occasionally, smile, and don’t
forget to make eye contact!
3. Provide
Feedback
Our
personal filters, assumptions, judgments, and beliefs can distort what we hear.
As a listener, your role is to understand what is being said. This may require
you to reflect what is being said and ask questions. You may want to
occasionally make verbal comments such as “uh huh”, or “yes” to let the speaker
know that their message is being communicated the way they intended it to be.
In a more intimate conversation you may want to paraphrase what is being said
to make sure you are in tune with the speaker’s message by saying “What I’m
hearing is, and “sounds like you are saying.”
4. Don’t
interrupt.
I know it
is hard, but sometimes we need to keep our mouths shut just for a little while.
Interrupting is a waste of time. It frustrates the speaker and limits full
understanding of the message. Try to allow the speaker to finish their points
before interjecting or asking questions.
5. Avoid
Personal Prejudice and Linguistic Stereotyping
Sometimes
we can’t help but to let our prejudices get in the way of effective listening.
Many times we tend to stereotype and label individuals who deviate from the
normative speaking style to be unintelligent or not as credible. Sometimes we
become irritated and let a person’s habits or mannerisms distract us from what
they are really saying. Keep in mind that with the increasingly diverse
population in our society, there will be increasingly diverse communication
styles. Some people are for example more nervous or shy than others, some have
regional accents, foreign accents, speak in different vernaculars (think
Ebonics) or make excessive arm movements, etc. Don’t assume someone is not
intelligent or credible just because they do not speak Standard English.
Attempt to concentrate on what is being said rather than focusing on the verbal and
nonverbal delivery style of the person. Don’t let your personal or societal prejudices be a barrier
to effective communication.
6. Don’t
be afraid of silence
If you are
in deep conversation or dealing with sensitive subjects, don’t be afraid to
have moments of silence while you let the information sink in before
responding. Most people are not comfortable with silence and fill it with
unnecessary talk. However, sometimes pauses and silence can work to our benefit
and allow for heated conversations to be cooled and more productive and
meaningful conversations to occur. A little bit of a silence is not always an
awkward moment!
Happy
Listening!
I think this blog is completely relevant to students. For students, it is often hard to be in class and actually focus and pay attention. Some key points you made really spoke out to me like using your body language to show that you're listening and trying to resist "noise". I can now remember times where I was so focused on thinking about what I should get to eat, that I totally would not pay attention at all to the professor, and once the class was over, I realized I had no idea what that lecture was about. I than would regret not paying attention. I think focusing on these two key points will help me to pay attention and actively listen in any of my classes and even after.
ReplyDeleteI've always considered myself a good listener but after reading this I've realized there is definitely some need for improvement. While reading I found that the form of non-listening I related to the most was the "monopolizing' section. Whenever I'm having a conversation with someone, whether it be a co-worker or a friend, I tend to think about what I'm going to say next instead of understanding what they're trying to communicate to me. I think I already know what they're trying to say, which is probably not true.Then, the monopolization going on in my head leaks into the conversation because I interrupt them or respond really quickly, leaving no time to soak in and reflect on what they've said. The conversation is already ten steps ahead in my brain. Another thought I had while reading was how non-listening could have a negative effect on speakers. While the listeners think they're projecting that they're actively listening it is probably apparent to the speaker that there is actually a lot of "noise" going on. This might cause the speaker to think that the audience finds them or their speech boring and that it's not worth actively listening to what they're saying.
ReplyDeleteThe way to apply these active listening skills to my daily life would just be to remind myself to listen an stay in the moment. Maybe write reminders for myself in places I know I'll read them, like my planner or notebooks. Also, saying that listening is not important to professional and personal success would be a lie because active listening=efficiency! If you are actively listening and understanding what someone is communicating then you can ask the appropriate questions and get answers right away. If you are not listening then you will have to ask them again, maybe even multiple times, and consequently waste time.
James Antonucci - January 21 2015
ReplyDeleteBeing an effective listener is important. Without repeating what Michelle has said, I can state that I have always been an “active” listener. One must try being physically and mentally involved in listening and responding to the comments of the speaker with good eye contact, leaning forward, nods and “uh-huhs”, etc. Having a sales communications background, these are important tools in communicating to the speaker you are interested and want them to “tell me more”. Keeping comments to the end helps to let the communications flow more smoothly, but allows you to respond with questions, or to paraphrase what has been said in confirmation that you were listening and understood what was being said.
It’ an easy mistake to interject into a speakers comments with responses, questions or comparisons leading to misunderstanding of your true interest in the speakers thoughts or even willingness to listen. Some people are so intent on getting their side of the conversation heard, they wait intently for a pause or a breath by the speaker to interject their comments. Their only succeeds in communicating you weren’t listening, only concentrating on getting your side of the conversation heard. The speaker can take this as rude, or that what he is saying isn’t really important to you.
It effective listening important at home as well as on the job? Definitely. After 30 years of marriage, I know my wife is one that hates to be interrupted while speaking and expects good eye contact. I have learned (the hard way!), that if I look away, she will stop speaking to get my attention; and then, continue once I reengage visually with her. It’s a good trick that gets people’s attention without being condescending. But it’s a personal call and the type of feedback given may vary from speaker to speaker.
Something that really resonated with me was the idea of being grateful for the mere opportunity and privilege to sit in a classroom and be able to listen. Realizing the many simple things I often take for granted has been a goal of mine lately and this is such a great example of another instance of something that seems like a given in my life but certainly is not to many other people in the country and world. Making this connection is an easy, yet effective way to help me be a more focused and determined listener. Another thing I really enjoyed reading about was not being afraid of silence. In my generation of multitaskers and always having to be looking at a phone (often to avoid a potential "awkward" silence or situation), a few moments of silence in a conversation truly is helpful. Realizing where and when I try to fill a possible silent moment with unnecessary talk is something that I would like to improve upon, and that I hope my peers do as well. Conversations are much more meaningful when both parties have time to digest what has been said and take a moment to think before proceeding.
ReplyDeleteSapfo-Maria Chasapopoulou
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, i find your blog very interesting.I agree with every single paragraph that you have here. Especially the strategies that you are giving for the active listening are very good and structured. Also i have the problem of "hearing noises" when I'm trying to do something. This is a very usual, i think problem for the plethora of people. I trigger memories and i remember myself to have this problem with the "noises" when i want to study or to listen something. I'm fun of listening, i like more to listen and talk compare to write. Also i think this kind of conversation is easier and there are not misunderstandings. Each person has a different tone of voice. When you listen this specific tone of the voice, you can understand what are the feelings of the speaker.
I believe that some very strong points and ideas were stated in this blog. For starters, I do think that a person needs to be a very good listener for personal and professional success. It shows the type of job you can get done, it makes you reliable, and it can really improve all types of communication skills. Being a good listener can make you very personable and that could add onto your personal success of making new friends and opening up more. I try to pay attention in all situations as best as I can but honestly I can say that based off this article, I am guilty of a few things on here. I do have a tendency to let other things distract me whether it is someone’s accent that I find intriguing or how I am feeling at that time. Sometimes I also feel uncomfortable with the silence and then feel pressured to give feedback right away before I have even collected my thoughts. Based off this article I do know that I would like to really work on those things because it takes more away from listening than I realized. This I believe could really help other students in their work and learning environments like me.
ReplyDeleteLisa Styczen
After reading this I was shocked because a lot of things that was said I can easily relate to my everyday life. I have always considered myself to be a "good" listener but after reading this I began to second guess that statement. Something that really stayed with me was about the fact that its okay to have a moment of silence, this is surprising because I'm usually the one who doesn't like to have moments of silence because of the fear of making this awkward, if it wasn't already. I enjoyed reading this blog and I have learned some things that I can use in everyday scenarios. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteIt is humorous for me that you should suggest to add the fillers of "uh-huh," of the occasional "Yeah," to let the speaker know that you are listening. That is actually a skill I learned from my grandmother; My grandfather likes to ramble on about GOP and politics, which she does not care about. I would often ask her how she can deal with what is essentially the same conversation over and over again. She told me that she actually tunes him out, and just gives and occasional grunt or filler sounds to make him think that she is actively listening. While I don't always tune people out, only for boring conversations that I truly have no interest in, I do nod and give fillers to the speaker, because nothing irritates me more as when I am speaking and people are clearly not listening.
ReplyDeleteI have first-hand experience with being linguistically stereotyped and why we should avoid this behavior. If you talk with me today, you’d probably notice nothing wrong with my speech skills; I can talk my mouth off with the best of them. However, I have not always been the best speaker.
ReplyDeleteAs a baby, I had many ear infections. This is the time during a newborn’s development where parts of their brain, in my case the auditory parts, are still developing. Due to my frequent ear infections, this part of my brain never fully-developed and I ended up with an auditory processing disorder. Not only was my hearing impacted, but my speech as well since young children naturally learn speaking through the conversations they hear around them. This meant that my words came out slurred and mispronounced.
From pre-school throughout elementary school, I would get up each day and leave my classmates to go to a speech therapist’s office to work on my speaking skills. Although my speaking did improve with time, my classmates still noticed my weird speech and would point it out to my embarrassment. One of the abnormal things I’d do is speak slowly and take time to pronounce my words – a behavior I’d practice each day in the speech counselor’s office. To my classmates, this made me sound dumb and weird. My cheeks would flush red and all I could do is just bury my feelings and try to laugh it off or change the subject when they’d notice.
Nowadays, my speech is a lot better. I speak at a normal tempo, although I do still have trouble speaking fast – speaking fast is a guaranteed recipe for fumbled words, public humiliation, and disaster. I have a lot of sympathy for people who don’t speak perfect Standard English. It does not feel good to be called or thought of as dumb because of something that you have no control over. Many a times, if someone is struggling with English because it’s not their first language, or like me their neurological hardware is miswired - behind their hampered speech is an intelligent mind with creative, innovative ideas to share.
I thought this was good informative blog about diversity and speech and also very good facts about the us and population changes which the reader (me) should take to heart to know the us is becoming more diverse and we the public have to adapt to new ways to communicate with newer audiences. So I say we the people should learn new languages to help further are reaches in communication. And I believe listening is just as important as speaking because listening is what can be used to prolong communication at times and also let the listeners to get to know or learn from others.
ReplyDeleteThis article has been quite the eye opener to say the least(article One and Two). I had a general idea of how important listening was in the workplace and in our lives in but I had no idea there were this many different variants of proper and improper listening. Referring to the first article, listening is needed for just about every single aspect of our lives and it's better to come to terms and master the art of listening. When working on our speeches in class I intend on looking over this article again to improve the quality of my speech. I tend to have the occasional moment of awkward silence and moments were I say "um", but this article has really made me think about how to react during those situations and how to avoid them. I believe that using these tactics of proper listening will help with my day to day social interactions and dealing with my superiors both in the workplace and in life.
ReplyDeleteThis blog is very interesting because it includes all of the main points of how to be/become a better listener. It will definitely help us (the students) to organize our thoughts to do our best while listening to others.
ReplyDeleteIt seems so easy to understand how we could improve ourselves to be an effective listeners, however, it is a lot more difficult to do. I find myself to be an active listener. I usually nod or smile for a feedback while listening to people. Although I try to not interrupt the person talking to me, I cannot get rig of this bad habit, so I am still working on my effective-listener skills.
Making an eye contact is not something easy to do either. During the everyday conversations, most of us find it simple and normal to look people in the eyes, but when we get in a situation where we have to speak in front of a group of people, making an eye contact is not so effortless to do.
Each of us becomes either a listener or a speaker; so those who are the listeners need to create a positive aura for those who are the speakers. By doing so the listeners show their interest, respect and their ability to listen effectively.
Iryna Tsaryk